There are many things in this world that make sense. Science, Quiznos and YouJizz come to mind immediately. Of course, there are also many things that don’t make sense. In this category, I can think of no greater example than Hollywood. I’ll never understand how Morgan Freeman is perpetually 65 years old. I’ll never understand how Shia LaBeouf banged Megan Fox. And I’ll certainly never understand why Matt Damon bought a fucking zoo.
But not everything is black and white; some things are mulatto. I mean gray. Anyway, what I’m talking about is the evolution of Liam Neeson — some things can make no sense and pefect sense at the same time. Now please understand that the career trajectories of actors change in extreme ways all the time (see Philip Seymour Hoffman, John C. Reilly). But what we’re seeing with Liam Neeson is absolutely unprecedented: this man has gone from respected dramatic actor to bad motherfucker in the blink of an eye. What’s even more impressive is that he did it in 45 seconds.
There’s no doubt the success of Taken was the catalyst for Liam mania. Just look at his pre-Taken resume: Schindler’s List (sympathetic Jew harborer), Michael Collins (inspiring politician), Love Actually (widower), and Kinsey (homo). Now look at his post-Taken resume: Clash of the Titans (Zeus), The A-Team (special forces badass), Unknown (CIA badass), and The Grey (plane crash survivor badass). Even Helen Keller could see what’s happening here. But why now? Why the acute transformation after 30 years of portraying mostly normal characters? This makes no sense.
As part of a double-header, I went and saw The Grey yesterday, and it was classic neo-Neeson. Guy was in total control and delivering badass lines all over the place. Taping shards of glass to his knuckles and taking on a pack of wolves alone. And then it hit me. This makes complete sense. I don’t care that he’s 60 years old. I believe this fucking guy. I fear this fucking guy. I want to be this fucking guy. Turns out he should have been intimidating degenerates and karate chopping the shit out of people all this time — this is his calling. Fuckin’ Hollywood, huh?